Thursday, June 14, 2012

worth it

Mother of a 2 week old son.
(please disregard my roots, please!)

My husband and I were married for 7 months when we knew we needed to start a family.
The next month we were pregnant.
 I didn't anticipate to get pregnant so fast, I thought it would take a few months at most.
I was overjoyed to become a mother.

Charles Owen Baggett III came into my life and I was in heaven.  Every. Single. Day.
Still am.  He is my heaven on earth.
I know why the Lord blessed me with a child at that time, and I am forever grateful.

8 months passed and I became the Relief Society president in our married student ward.
 I became aware of the struggles and trials many sisters were facing regarding infertility.
They shed tears and told me about their righteous desires to have children.
It was humbling and I will never forget those sisters.  

Not many sisters knew my own struggle to get pregnant again.
I didn't want to bring it up, especially since I already had a child.
I should be grateful for my one child that took me absolutely one month to conceive, right?

Well, a year passed and I had been released and my little family moved here to Georgia.
We found out we were pregnant in December 2011 and I felt like all my prayers were being answered.
I was on cloud 9 until January 2, 2012.
That's when I had my miscarriage.
The first week was difficult.  There was a lot going on.
Husband started a new job then lost it, I was starting my last semester of college and my son got sick.  
All in the same week. 
It sunk into me what was happening to me and my family. 
Very real.  Very sad.

Then, 2 months ago I had a chemical pregnancy.  Have you ever heard of it?
You get a positive result on the day of your missed period then a few days later your period starts.
It felt like such a disappointment.  But what happened happened.  I moved on.  I went to California for a nice 2 week break and enjoyed every minute of life with my family.

In retrospect:
The last 2 years have been a fight on my knees.
Pleading with the Lord.
Asking for peace.
Asking for comfort.
Asking for relief.
Asking for another baby.

I have learned a little bit more of how those women feel now, the ones who struggle with infertility.  
Most of you.
Most of our mothers.  Most of our grandmas.  Most of the women in our lives.
Whether you are struggling to have your first, second, or sixth child.
If all the waiting, my miscarriage and that darn chemical pregnancy helped me learn  this, then I am thankful. 
 It has been worth it. 



Marianne said...

I appreciate your perspective and I know this is hard. One year was hard for me and I didn't go through all the other things. I love that you said it is worth it. I didn't feel this way about trials untill I helped a struggling friend. When her life was changed for the better I knew all my struggles where worth it. Love you Carolyn and miss you bunches.

Carissa Rasmussen said...

after struggling to get pregnant (or stay pregnant) you get quite a different perspective of life and realize how much Heavenly Father really directs our lives:) You also realize what a miracle life really is!

mommacitabonita said...

Thank you sissy for your remarks. You have a wonderful perspective and it allows you to share and have greater faith. Trials are stepping stones to help another on their way. I remember after having our stillborn son, Lura Staffanson was there with a beautiful outfit for our babe to be buried in. She too had had a stillborn son. She blessed us and hopefully we have blessed others too. I love you, my pretty girl. You are exactly the daughter and mother I have prayed for all my life. You and your siblings are living and blessing others in word and deed. I love you all and at this time are grateful to a loving Heavenly Father for sending you to our family.xoxoxoxoxoxox love you forever!!!

Katie S. said...

Oh Carolyn, I had no idea. I'm so sorry--you never said a word about it. I think of you often about this topic, but don't bring it up because of how difficult it must be to discuss. I'm so sorry for your miscarriage and I wish I had helped! If anything just to give you a big squeezing hug and share a cry with you. You're becoming one of my dear friends, and I'm tearring up thinking about what you go through. I love you and am grateful you shared such a tender, personal post. You're so good and wonderful and an example of motherhood.

Anonymous said...

I know this was quite a while ago, but I also wanted to tell you that I was touched by this post. I know that you are blessing others because I have been a recipient of your kindness and thoughtfulness in the past. I hope that you are blessed with your righteous desires in the near future!

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